My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
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I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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