They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
