I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
