You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
