beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
