I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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