I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
