Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
