He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
