Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
