you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
