They should really pass out barf bags in church
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
