Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
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It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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