i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
