im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
