'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
