All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
