Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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