i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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