Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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