Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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