The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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