Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
