I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
