she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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