I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
