shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
