Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
