I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
