big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
