I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
