i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
this just has baby written all over it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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