I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
