9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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