next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she peed on how many people?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
BRING THE BAGELS
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
