Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, beer. Big fan.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.