is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
