I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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