ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
