You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.