The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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