Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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