Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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