Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
