What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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