Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
