Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This baby is an asshole
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
