I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
