They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
