I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Barsexuality is the new black.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
