I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
