I think my fart just growled at me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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