Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
