I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
