They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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