I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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