So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
