i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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