Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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