He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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