I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
