Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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