Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
