My hair reeks of homosexuality.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
