also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
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a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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