Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
