I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
