as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
