the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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