your thong is hanging out like whoa
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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