Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My balls are so social today.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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