It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
