You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
