shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
