the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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