Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
